Throughout the years, I've worked with many senior women in business. A common challenge they often encounter is the "Double Bind." In this blog, I explain what the Double Bind is and share three steps to develop a communication style to handle it.
What is the Double Bind of Female Leadership?
The Double Bind, highlighted in Eagly and Carli's 2007 book "Through the Labyrinth: The Truth About How Women Become Leaders," refers to the tricky expectations women face in leadership roles.
It's about how women have to show traditionally masculine (agentic) traits, like assertiveness and competitiveness, to be seen as competent bosses. At the same time, they're expected to maintain traditionally feminine (communal) qualities like warmth and empathy to be liked.
This mixed bag of expectations often puts women in a difficult position, as it's hard to meet both societal and professional standards without facing criticism. Striking the right balance can be tough: being too agentic might make you seem competent but perhaps too bossy, while likability is key for success. On the flip side, being too communal could come off as weak and ineffective.
A Career-Long Challenge
The Double Bind is not just limited to women in female leadership roles; it manifests at various stages of a woman's career. On entering the workplace, many young women I know report having to work twice as hard to prove themselves and be taken seriously.
As they move up the ladder, they may face backlash for being bossy and arrogant if they assert themselves. On the other hand, if they are accommodating and show vulnerability, they may struggle to be seen as leaders.
This constant balancing act can be emotionally draining and hinder career progression. It often causes many women to prioritise likability over assertiveness, fearing that being assertive might make them appear bossy.
Three Steps to Develop a Communication Style for Handling the Double Bind
I believe women can overcome this challenge by developing a communication style that combines assertiveness and warmth. Here's a 3-point strategy for doing just that:
1. Get clear on what arrogance looks and sounds like
Arrogant people tend to be overly confident and self-assured, often coming off as aggressive. They usually overestimate their abilities and see themselves as more important than others, leading them to dismiss or undervalue their colleagues' contributions and ideas.
You'll notice arrogance in frequent interruptions, bragging, gossiping, dominating body language, and a condescending tone of voice. Typically, arrogance avoids collaboration, fears being wrong, and prefers to make decisions solo. In leadership, this can be harmful, as it might alienate team members and stifle creativity, creating a toxic work environment that hampers group success.
Examples of arrogant language include:
‘I know I’m right.’
‘I have all the answers.’
‘They can’t do without me.’
‘There’s nobody else who can do it.’
2. Get clear on what assertiveness looks and sounds like
Assertive people are confident and sure of themselves, without crossing into aggression. They have a realistic view of their abilities and naturally uplift those around them with genuine self-assurance. They value and respect their colleagues' views and contributions while staying true to themselves.
Being assertive means clear communication, listening more than speaking, not gossiping, and using direct, warm voice tones.
It also involves friendly and open body language that makes others feel safe and welcome.
Assertive leaders make decisions with their team's input, building trust and motivating everyone to innovate and achieve success together.
Examples of assertive language include:
‘I may be wrong.’
‘I have some of the answers and can learn from others.’
‘They could do it without me.’
‘I’m part of a team.’
3. Take stock and make a plan
Now you know what arrogance and assertiveness look and sound like, ask yourself:
How often do I come off as bossy rather than assertive?
How can I be more assertive?
How has avoiding assertiveness held me back?
How can being more assertive help me move forward?
Who can I ask for feedback and support to be more assertive in my communication?
How will I respond when I'm accused of being bossy? Tip: Stay calm, be curious, in a warm tone of voice explain your intentions, really listen to the feedback, then share your thoughts.
In conclusion, developing an assertive, warm communication style can help women balance the fine line between being seen as a 'boss' and being labelled 'bossy'.
By understanding the dynamics at play and adopting a strategic approach, female leaders can confidently lead their teams and organisations towards success, benefitting individuals and society alike.
If you're an HR leader looking to help your female leaders' tackle the Double Bind, contact me to discuss how my Make Your Mark programme can help.
The Business Voice Coach
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