When author and activist Rebecca Solnit attended a party one evening, she found herself engaged in a conversation she didn’t expect. A man enthusiastically began explaining a certain “very important book” he assumed she had not read.
The twist? Solnit herself was the author of that book*. Yet the man’s confidence in assuming she couldn’t possibly have authored it eclipsed any effort to inquire about her expertise.
This eyebrow-raising example highlights an all-too-common phenomenon informally known as “mansplaining.” It’s something most of us can relate to, no matter our gender. You’ll notice it showing up at work, in social situations, and even during family get-togethers over the holidays.
The term “mansplaining” is catchy, but it’s not without its issues. It implies this behaviour is something only men do, when really, it’s more about our attitudes and assumptions than our gender.
At its core, it’s about explaining something in a way that dismisses, invalidates, or underestimates someone else’s knowledge or experience.
In this post, I’ll break down what mansplaining means (hopefully without being mansplainey), look at how common it is in workplaces and beyond, talk about its effects, and share some practical tips to handle and prevent it.
What Is Mansplaining, Really?
Mansplaining is when someone explains something in a condescending or patronising way, often assuming the other person doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
While the term originally highlighted gender dynamics in communication, I think it’s better to move away from the gendered label. The truth is, anyone—regardless of gender—can mansplain or be on the receiving end of it.
What really matters is the attitude and assumptions behind the explanation. We’ve probably all experienced mansplaining at some point, whether at work or in social or family situations.
To further demystify the concept, here are a few real-life examples of this behaviour in action that you may recognise...
The Workplace Mansplaination
You’re in a meeting, sharing an idea with the team, when an enthusiastic colleague picks up where you left off and starts to “clarify” your point - often with less clarity than you initially presented. The irony of the situation? This colleague often has no additional expertise or authority on the topic – how frustrating!
The Christmas Dinner Debate
It’s Christmas dinner, and a relative is explaining to you, in painstaking detail, how to best chill the bottle of sparkling wine on the table to achieve the perfect temperature. This leads onto a further, more detailed explanation of the best temperatures for many different types of wine, depending on region and grape variety.
This unsolicited lecture is spoken with an unwavering tone of authority and an apparent dismissal of your own potential knowledge or even the fact that the once chilled bottle of wine on the table, is now quite a bit warmer than when the conversation first started. Sometimes what starts with good intentions can quickly lead to undesirable outcomes.
The ‘Helpful’ Grandparents
With families coming together at this time of year, the holidays are prime time for grandparents wishing to share unsolicited (and often unwanted) parenting advice with their children. Whether it’s ‘We used to use whiskey when you were teething’ or the ‘It’s only been on the floor for 5 seconds’ rule, or ‘You turned out alright, didn’t you?’, grandparents can often impart detailed parenting ‘wisdoms’ that are poorly received by their children.
What starts out as well-meaning (albeit outdated) advice, can often have the opposite effect to what was intended and put a bit of a dampener on the festivities.
The Consequences of Mansplaining
Whether it’s in a boardroom or around the dinner table, mansplaining can:
Erode Trust: Assuming someone doesn’t know something shows a lack of respect for their experience, which can slowly break down trust.
Hurt Confidence: Being underestimated can make skilled professionals doubt their abilities. Over time, this can erode confidence, discourage contributions, and hinder collaboration.
Harm Culture: When mansplaining becomes a habit, it lowers morale, stifles diverse ideas, and gets in the way of inclusive teamwork.
Tips to Avoid Mansplaining
Good news - avoiding mansplaining to others is easier than you might think. With a few small tweaks to how you communicate, you can build mutual respect and better conversations. Here’s how:
1. Ask Questions First, Listen Second
Before jumping into an explanation, try asking, “What’s your take on this?” or “Do you already know about this?” Focus on what the other person is saying before rushing to respond. It shows you’re willing to listen and makes sure your explanation matches what the other person needs. You might find that once you’ve listened, there’s no need to “explain” anything at all!
2. Assume They Know Their Stuff
Always start with the assumption that the other person is knowledgeable—it’s a small mindset shift that makes a big difference. Show respect unless they specifically ask for help. Instead of “correcting” or “clarifying,” try framing what you say as part of a discussion. For example, “That’s a great point—another perspective I’ve seen is…”
3. Be Open to Feedback
If someone calls you out for mansplaining, don’t get defensive. Thank them for pointing it out, reflect on how your words came across, and use it as a chance to grow.
Tips for Handling Mansplainers
Dealing with mansplaining? Here are some ways to tackle it constructively:
1. Politely Redirect
Try something like, “Thanks, but I’ve actually been working on this for years. I’d love to share my perspective with you!”
2. Highlight Your Expertise
Gently remind them of your experience with, “Actually, this is something I specialise in.”
3. Stay Calm and Set Boundaries
If it keeps happening, bring it up later. For example, “I felt like my expertise was dismissed earlier, and it didn’t sit right with me.” If someone continues to mansplain to you, it’s perfectly okay to cut it short with, “I’ve got this, thanks.”
Your Mansplaining Antidote
Cutting down on mansplaining—whether at work or home - takes a little effort from all of us. It’s about keeping an open mind, listening better, and showing some respect.
With the holiday season almost upon us, and spirits and stress levels no doubt running higher than usual, here’s how to prevent mansplaining from dampening your festivities…
Assume people know what they’re talking about.
Trust people to speak up and ask if they need clarification from you, and
If you do get called out for mansplaining, own it and apologise!
Remember a little bit of self-awareness and empathy can go a long way in creating more balanced and constructive conversations with our colleagues, family and friends.
At the end of the day, good communication isn’t about explaining more - it’s about understanding each other, and there is no better time of year than this to do more of that.
The Business Voice Coach
*Footnote:
In her book "Men Explain Things to Me," Rebecca Solnit examines the issue of mansplaining and its impact on workplaces, relationships, and society. She explores the power dynamics behind men dismissing women's expertise and contributions.
By highlighting this behavior, Solnit emphasizes the importance of respectful communication and creating spaces where everyone’s voice is valued. Through sharp analysis and engaging stories, she offers practical insights on recognizing and preventing mansplaining in both work and daily life.
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