I miss my mother's voice
She passed away in February, and ever since, I’ve been trying to remember how she sounded.
I keep kicking myself for not recording her voice - or if I did, I can’t find it now. Recreating it in my head has been surprisingly hard.
Instead, I’ve found myself thinking about the words that describe it: expressive, energetic, and, most of all, confident. That last one surprises me the most because her life was full of challenges that could have easily shaken her confidence.
She had a tough childhood, left school at 14 to work without any qualifications, and faced many emotional and medical battles throughout her life. Yet, her voice carried this unwavering confidence that’s somehow stuck with me. I keep replaying moments in my mind, and I remember how people who knew us both often said we sounded alike. That’s something I never gave much thought to before, but now I realise it’s a legacy she left me - and one I’m so grateful for.
Because a confident voice doesn’t just benefit the person speaking - it has an impact on everyone around them.
And it starts way earlier than you might think...
The Origin of Confidence: A Mother-Baby Vocal Bond
By 23 weeks, babies in the womb can hear the muffled sound of their mother’s voice, and by 24 weeks, they’re already reacting to it. Research shows they’ll move around less and their heartbeat slows when they hear her.
After birth, they naturally focus more on their mother’s voice than their father’s. They can even tell the difference between their mother talking and a recording of her voice. Around 36-39 weeks of pregnancy, their heart rate changes depending on whether a man or woman starts reading the same sentence first.
The connection between a baby and their mother’s voice is pretty amazing. It might even shape us in ways we don’t fully understand, but that stay with us for life.
The Power of Tone: Building Confidence and Self-Esteem in Children
A child's beliefs, values, and self-esteem are shaped by the sound of their parents' voices. It’s not just the words - it’s the tone that makes a big impact. Infants pick up on vocal tones to learn behaviour and are especially sensitive to angry maternal voices, even before they understand words. At school, studies show children respond better to supportive tones, while controlling voices can hurt their self-esteem and reduce cooperation.
The Science of Vocal Confidence
Confidence is essential for success, both personally and professionally, and your voice plays a big role in projecting it. Science shows that confident voices can influence outcomes, boost persuasion, and signal competence and leadership potential, leading to higher evaluations and greater success.
A 2012 University of California study found that speaking with confidence doesn’t just impact how others see you - it helps you achieve your goals. Similarly, a 2008 study showed that confident speakers are seen as more persuasive, credible, and trustworthy.
Beyond the workplace, a confident tone builds stronger personal connections, as it’s often perceived as more attractive and charismatic. Whether inspiring a team or forming meaningful relationships, developing vocal confidence is vital for growth and success.
Key Features of a Strong and Confident Voice
Science also helps us understand the key vocal features of a confident voice so we can practice and apply them if we want. It suggests confident speakers are more likely to:
Talk faster, but not too fast to overwhelm their listeners, and with fluency and energy that convey confidence not a desire to rush and escape.
Speak in a lower pitch, as deeper tones are generally associated with authority and confidence.
Often use a steady, falling intonation, signalling authority, rather than rising intonation, which conveys uncertainty.
Speak audibly and clearly, improving the likelihood their words are heard and understood first time.
Adopt a positive tone, striking a balance between approachability and authority to build trust while maintaining professionalism (and move markets).
Building Vocal Confidence
Many people struggle with developing a confident voice due to past experiences, fear of judgment, or cultural norms. However, with proper techniques and support, it's possible to improve vocal confidence.
There are numerous resources available, such as public speaking courses, vocal coaches, and online tutorials that can help individuals improve their speaking skills and develop a more confident voice. In addition, practicing mindfulness and positive self-talk can also contribute to building confidence in one's voice.
Final Thoughts
Now she’s gone, I can see how my mother's confident voice helped build the foundation for my own confidence. It’s an invisible gift that’s empowered me both personally and professionally - giving me the courage to speak up, share my ideas, and do the work I do today.
As adults, we have the chance to develop our own confident voices with awareness, practice, and a little help from the science of confident speaking. And to use confident voices with the children in our lives. By doing this, we can not only enhance our own success but also leave behind a legacy of confidence for the next generation.
The Business Voice Coach
Sources and Recommended Reading:
Comentários